12-30-11
I’ve been putting off writing my next entry until “things settled down” a bit, or until “I have a little more time.” Now, one day before the end of 2011, I’m admitting to myself that things are never going to settle down, and if I’m lucky, I will never have a little more time.
I’m busy with a hundred things, and for this I am grateful. As I move from project to project, during those rare transitional moments when reflection is possible, I begin to latch onto the idea that change defines me. I don’t think I made that up. I think I read about it in a Buddhism book while I was soaking up the Mexico sun the week before Christmas. OK, so I guess I haven’t been that busy. I was lucky enough to get a week’s true vacation, and for this I am grateful too.
When I Google “change,” the top five results are as follows:
1. www.change.org, “an online advocacy platform that empowers anyone, anywhere to start, join, and win campaigns for social change.”
2. www.dictionary.com, whose first definition of “change” is “to make the form, nature, content, future course, etc., of (something) different from what it is or from what it would be if left alone: to change one's name; to change one's opinion; to change the course of history.”
3. Change.gov, President Obama’s campaign website.
4. The Wikipedia page for “change” which begins by saying that “change may refer to the process of becoming different,” (yup.)
and
5. Thinkexist.com, a webpage full of inspirational quotes about change, including (near the top) “what you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others” – Pericles, 495 BC – 429 BC.
I can’t quote the book I was reading because I already returned it to the library (it was Buddhism is Not What You Think by Steve Hagen, for anyone interested), but the author talked a lot about how we are in a constant state of change, and in fact change is the only constant in our lives. He even discussed the philosophical idea that it is impossible to define ourselves concretely – for example, he said that he didn’t write the book I was reading, because the “he” who wrote one word was different from the “he” who wrote the next word. He was constantly changing, so he could not say to me “I am the author of Buddhism is Not What You Think,” because the “Steve Hagen” who put the period at the end of the last sentence only existed for a moment, and then he changed. I am a different person than I was when I was 5 or 15, or than I will be when I’m 65 – and truly, I’m never the same from one moment to the next.
I don’t know how important it is to contemplate this idea too deeply. To meditate deeply on the idea of “no self,” because of the constancy of change seems a little counter-productive, at least to me at this point in my life. However, the more I let the awareness and acceptance of change live in the back of my mind, the more I realize the simplicity of its truth. Maybe that means it is, in fact, really important and relevant.
Setting aside, for a moment, the necessity of letting go the idea of “self” to let in the idea of “change,” let’s go back to my top five Google results. We’ve got two platforms for social change (change is such a powerful word, in fact, that it carried our current president into office: “Change We Can Believe In!”), and a plethora of inspirational quotes dating back 2000+ years. Change is powerful. Change is constant. Change may refer to the process of becoming different (!)
Over the years, my mom has offered me grains of wisdom that stuck with me. One was that I should “create my own happiness.” Another was that I should “embrace change.” She used her parents as an example: they’re in their 80’s now, but rather than taking on the stereotypical old-person’s attitude that things were so much better “back in my day,” they change with the times. They buy and learn the new technology as it comes out; my grandpa even has a Facebook account. Rather than bracing against change and longing for the days when things were different, they go with the flow, and they are happier for it. I think this is hugely important.
Being in school allowed me to have a single-minded focus, driving toward a concrete goal. Achieving that goal, I was faced with the question “what next?” and the easiest answer was “well, I’m in a transitional time.” And there’s nothing wrong with that answer, exactly, unless I use it as an excuse not to continue filling my life with purpose. Every “time” is “transitional.” We’re always moving forward, and what we’re moving into is different from where we’ve been. My point, I think, is that although I’m no longer able to have the same single-minded focus toward a concrete goal that I had while I was in school, that doesn’t mean I’m failing. It’s just a testament to the way life is always changing.
I have two stories I really want to tell, but they’ll have to wait. One is about how I was a zombie in a haunted house at Halloween, and another is about being on a girl’s high school cross country team for a Nike commercial. I’ll tell them. They’re worth telling. Hold me to it.
I’ve been putting off writing my next entry until “things settled down” a bit, or until “I have a little more time.” Now, one day before the end of 2011, I’m admitting to myself that things are never going to settle down, and if I’m lucky, I will never have a little more time.
I’m busy with a hundred things, and for this I am grateful. As I move from project to project, during those rare transitional moments when reflection is possible, I begin to latch onto the idea that change defines me. I don’t think I made that up. I think I read about it in a Buddhism book while I was soaking up the Mexico sun the week before Christmas. OK, so I guess I haven’t been that busy. I was lucky enough to get a week’s true vacation, and for this I am grateful too.
When I Google “change,” the top five results are as follows:
1. www.change.org, “an online advocacy platform that empowers anyone, anywhere to start, join, and win campaigns for social change.”
2. www.dictionary.com, whose first definition of “change” is “to make the form, nature, content, future course, etc., of (something) different from what it is or from what it would be if left alone: to change one's name; to change one's opinion; to change the course of history.”
3. Change.gov, President Obama’s campaign website.
4. The Wikipedia page for “change” which begins by saying that “change may refer to the process of becoming different,” (yup.)
and
5. Thinkexist.com, a webpage full of inspirational quotes about change, including (near the top) “what you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others” – Pericles, 495 BC – 429 BC.
I can’t quote the book I was reading because I already returned it to the library (it was Buddhism is Not What You Think by Steve Hagen, for anyone interested), but the author talked a lot about how we are in a constant state of change, and in fact change is the only constant in our lives. He even discussed the philosophical idea that it is impossible to define ourselves concretely – for example, he said that he didn’t write the book I was reading, because the “he” who wrote one word was different from the “he” who wrote the next word. He was constantly changing, so he could not say to me “I am the author of Buddhism is Not What You Think,” because the “Steve Hagen” who put the period at the end of the last sentence only existed for a moment, and then he changed. I am a different person than I was when I was 5 or 15, or than I will be when I’m 65 – and truly, I’m never the same from one moment to the next.
I don’t know how important it is to contemplate this idea too deeply. To meditate deeply on the idea of “no self,” because of the constancy of change seems a little counter-productive, at least to me at this point in my life. However, the more I let the awareness and acceptance of change live in the back of my mind, the more I realize the simplicity of its truth. Maybe that means it is, in fact, really important and relevant.
Setting aside, for a moment, the necessity of letting go the idea of “self” to let in the idea of “change,” let’s go back to my top five Google results. We’ve got two platforms for social change (change is such a powerful word, in fact, that it carried our current president into office: “Change We Can Believe In!”), and a plethora of inspirational quotes dating back 2000+ years. Change is powerful. Change is constant. Change may refer to the process of becoming different (!)
Over the years, my mom has offered me grains of wisdom that stuck with me. One was that I should “create my own happiness.” Another was that I should “embrace change.” She used her parents as an example: they’re in their 80’s now, but rather than taking on the stereotypical old-person’s attitude that things were so much better “back in my day,” they change with the times. They buy and learn the new technology as it comes out; my grandpa even has a Facebook account. Rather than bracing against change and longing for the days when things were different, they go with the flow, and they are happier for it. I think this is hugely important.
Being in school allowed me to have a single-minded focus, driving toward a concrete goal. Achieving that goal, I was faced with the question “what next?” and the easiest answer was “well, I’m in a transitional time.” And there’s nothing wrong with that answer, exactly, unless I use it as an excuse not to continue filling my life with purpose. Every “time” is “transitional.” We’re always moving forward, and what we’re moving into is different from where we’ve been. My point, I think, is that although I’m no longer able to have the same single-minded focus toward a concrete goal that I had while I was in school, that doesn’t mean I’m failing. It’s just a testament to the way life is always changing.
I have two stories I really want to tell, but they’ll have to wait. One is about how I was a zombie in a haunted house at Halloween, and another is about being on a girl’s high school cross country team for a Nike commercial. I’ll tell them. They’re worth telling. Hold me to it.
